I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
