At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize
