swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
