ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Randomize
