I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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