I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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