38 yer olds are good kisserssss
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
