I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
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