Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
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