one two three fourrrrnication!
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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