4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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