Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Randomize
