we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
honey bunches of taint.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
