you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
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I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
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Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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