I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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