i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
