I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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