before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Randomize
