Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
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