I never want to see another naked old woman again.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
