you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
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