she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
