Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Randomize
