So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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