I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Never underestimate the power of titties
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
