She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
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