I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Randomize
