u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
