dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
