I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
