I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
