You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Randomize
