Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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