Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Randomize