Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
