Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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