I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
