if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Mom said you looked used
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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