He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Randomize
