but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
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