a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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