the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
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