no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
