the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Randomize
