I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
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Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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