Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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