yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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