Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
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