He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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