the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
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