i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
My vagina is very pro this idea
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
