the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd itβs still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP ππππ
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