I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Randomize
