I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
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