...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
