I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
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