porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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