3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Randomize
