I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Randomize
