i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
