I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
