She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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