shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
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