Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
